Happy Valentine’s Day

Today is the 14th (January).  I’ve been working on Valentines Day offers for my cake business.  So my mind is already in February.  In fact, as most business owners will know, I’m already at Easter and on the verge of summer really.

My husband went to the gym early this morning and I thought, oh no! I don’t have a card or anything so I thought it’d just get away with a loving kiss.  He came in just before the school run and I gave him a kiss and said Happy Valentines Day.  He looked puzzled and asked is it?  I said yah, it’s the 14th.  He starts to apologise for not getting me anything then gives me a sceptical look and calls me a ‘419-er’ – which means fraudster in Nigeria.  He thought I was setting him up.  ROTFL 🙂 I genuinely thought it was Valentines Day.  I explained that I was working on some offers and had got caught up in that but I don’t think he believed me.  Hahaha.  Hilarious start to my day.

Although I love that we are at that stage where a kiss is enough to celebrate Valentines Day.  I’ll see if that sentiment is still there in February. 😉

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

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Priceless

This morning during the school run, my son asked what the word priceless meant.

And I reply, “it means you can’t put a price on it; it’s too valuable or very expensive”. “Just like you two”, I added. “There is no amount of money in the world that would ever make me give you away”. My son responds with a gushy awww and a huge grin across his face.

Then I said, “I’ll give you away for free instead!”. Mwauahahahahahahahaha!.

Yeah yeah yeah, I’m a big for nothing mother.

I love them really!

Mean Mummy

My daughter is six and she doesn’t understand sarcasm yet. Oh the fun I have with her. It’s hilarious. 😂😂😂

Today she asks, “mummy, is my birthday on the 14th of September?”

I respond, “no, it’s the 25th of December.”

“When is your birthday?”, I ask.

“25th of December” she responds.

I laugh and she says, “but that’s what you said mummy”.

Ahhhhhh. To be so innocent.

Mwah mwah mwah.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Easter Joke

I’ve been teaching my kids basic kitchen skills like chopping safely with a knife, whisking, how to use the blender, etc.

I had a couple of cakes to bake this weekend so we were perfecting egg cracking. I worked out how to explain it to my daughter and by the end of the day she was cracking eggs perfectly. No more shells in the batter or egg in the table.

As I’m mixing the batter she walks up to me and says “mummy, guess what?” I say, “what?” She responds, “I am now an eggs-pert at cracking eggs”. And with a twinkle in her eyes she leans forward and says, “geddit?”

My sisters will no doubt say she has inherited my rubbish sense of humour.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Funniest April Fools’ Joke

People actually bought it and were giving recommendations. Where exactly is the breast milk meant to come from?

I wasn’t sure though as in this crazy world, anything goes. Read the post on www.honestlyhealthy.com

Baby Bottle Dripping

BREAST MILK… The new alkaline ingredient and health trend for 2015. Recent research has shown that drinking breast milk as an adult can help reduce risk of cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure and obesity. In some ways it makes sense to me as we get all the minerals and nutrients we need from it as a child and it’s the closest in hormone levels to what we need where as the levels in animal milk is too high for us to metabolise. We have done an article on the site about the pros and cons… Would you make a matcha breast milk milkshake? well if you want to we have a recipe for one in the article. #honestlyhealthy #healthy #alkaline #healthyliving #breastmilk #healthtrends

A photo posted by Natasha Corrett (@honestlyhealthy) on Apr 1, 2015 at 1:19am PDT

Joke of the Day

My husband and I were walking past a jewellery shop and I casually mentioned that he’s meant to get me an eternity ring for our tenth anniversary in August. His retort was “what do I get for ten years of imprisonment?”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

To which he got a shove.

I Should Get Paid For Being a Mother

This morning, I was juggling my handbag, a carrier bag, my jacket and about ten books and a folder for my children to return from parents day.  We are walking towards the car, the kids get in and I’m still performing my juggling act quite well.  As I’m about to get into the car and try to settle everything I’m carrying, I hear ‘mummy’ for the umpteenth time this morning.  Internally I screamed a blood curdling shriek; like one of those that reverberate in the Grand  Canyon.  Outwardly, I said ‘Right!  I am going to start charging you for each time you call my name’. 

    Both Children: What do you mean?
    Me: I’m going to charge you £5 for each time you call my name
    Son: But we only have £6
    Me: Then that means you only get to call me once today
    Daughter: If we give you the money, will we get it back?
    Me: No!
    Daughter: Ooooo (whine).  Muuuummmmmmy!!! That’s not fair! (she protests)
    Me: Do you think it’s fair that you call on me two thousand times a day and I don’t get anything back?  Don’t you think I deserve to be paid for being a mother?  (Juvenile? I know)
    Son: Well I have £11 so you can have £5 and we’ll save £6. (he says smugly)
    Me: Fine.  So that’s one mummy for today and no more.
    Daughter: Mummy – (I interrupt).
    Me: Ah.  That’ll cost you £5 and I’m not counting the other three times you called my name before this conversation.  You don’t have enough money to call me again.
    Son: Mummy –(I interrupt again).
    Me: I don’t think you guys can afford me.  I’ll be happy to charge you £1 for each mummy so with £11 you can only call on me eleven times today.
    Son: But how are we going to get more money if you don’t give it back?
    Me: I suppose you’ll have to get a job then.
    Son: How?
    Me; Start doing proper chores round the house and we’ll pay you.  Your aunty and I were washing my dad’s car when we were six sand eight.
    Daughter: ooooo-kaaaaay.  We will do chores. (she says reluctantly)
    Me: In the past ten minutes, you have called my name like ten times.  If I had to collect money from you, you wouldn’t have any left.
    Son: So you never really wanted to take our money?
    Me: Maybe, maybe not.

Mind Your Homonyms

I’m definitely getting old because I keep getting irritated with the poor use of the English language on social media, at work – everywhere really. I’m not talking about grammar, that’s a bit more difficult – granted. I am referring to the use of the wrong word. For example:

There vs their
We are vs were
Wear vs were or we’re
Two vs to or too
Here vs hear
Right vs write
Counsel vs Council (this one was new to me)

I could go on and on. It’s really really getting on my nerves. Lets get this right. My issue isn’t with people for whom English is not a first language, that would be unfair. Nor am I referring to a slip of the finger. I’m referring to educated adults for whom English IS their first language. People who hold professional jobs or run businesses and don’t know the right word to use. Sadly, their poor command of the English language is usually splayed across the pages of a C.V or within an email to colleagues or superiors. These people had a seemingly good education but when they write – oh my days! (as my niece would say)

Really I write on behalf of all those who find it challenging to decipher the message being conveyed. It is sooooooooo confusing and a little bit of care makes a huge difference, at least to the reader. I was having a moan with one of my friends about this and I told her a story that was funny and quite bizarre for me but drives the point home. I shall relay it to you all

It was a warm cool day in Lagos and my mum had just got me a summer job right after my final exams, in the interim period between receiving my results and the start of university. It was a job with one of the first suppliers of computer hardware in Lagos. The operating system was DOS and I was getting to grips with the function keys and touch typing. One day, a thirty-something-year-old gentleman who worked at another branch walks in and strikes up a conversation with my twenty-something-year-old colleague. I’m sitting across from them and he eventually notices me. He takes slow, lingering steps towards me – ok I exaggerate – he walks towards, introduces himself and makes small talk.

    Lothario : What is your name?
    Me: Tomi
    Lothario: How are you?
    Me: Fine thank you.
    Lothario: You seem like a nice girl, can I launch you?
    Me: I beg your pardon.
    Lothario: Can I launch you?
    I look at the other girl bemused
    Me: What does that mean?
    Lethario: Launch, launch. Take you out to lunch.
    Me: Of course not. (In my head I’m saying ewwww)
    Lothario: Why?
    Me: Because you are too old!
    Lothario laughs.

/End scene/

I think I’ve made my point!

* Check out an interesting list of homonyms