Happy Father’s Day

On Friday, I attended sports day at my children’s school and I was struck by the number of fathers who were in attendance.  Some had clearly taken time off work and others took a half day rushing in half way thorugh.

I observed as one dad walked in slightly late and made the effort to make eye contact with his children and wave so they knew he was there. I watched as alpha males around the field were screaming their child’s name with the gusto of olympic porportions. I think those dads were visualising themselves there actually. 😀😀😀😀 And then there were those whose children weren’t as athletic yet screaming their names like the champions they were and cheering them on to finish the race.  And the father who was busy taking prized pictures, capturing every moment.  And the ones who kissed their sons or daughters at the end with proud beaming smiles.

We often hear about the fathers who don’t do their share. And the ones who abandon their children. The ones who treat parenting as the responsibility of women and grace their families with their occasional presence.  The media is ever ready to share countless stories about these men and the inequality amongst men and women in the home.

Don’t get me wrong, there is still a lot of inequality but there are more dads who are sharing in parenting than ever. They are the ones you see at the school run.  Taking time off for school trips.  Taking charge of dinner, even if it’s bought. Taking their kids to the park on their own.  Or in the supermarket doing the shopping. Or at the doctor’s when a child is sick. They do not think that parenting is the preserve of their wives or partners.  They contribute.  Dads who are fully engaged in the lives of their children; who want to be there and not coerced. Who do not measure themselves by the ability to provide but being a positive role model for their children. Who enjoy the company of their children. Thank God for those dads. 

Today I celebrate those dads.  The world needs more of you.

Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day

To all the Wonder Dads out there, God bless you!

It’s ​Daddy’s Day

My son announced that it’s Daddy’s Day this morning with the same sort of flourish that one would appropriate when waking up on one’s birthday or on Christmas Day. So I asked, “what is Daddy’s Day?” Big mistake. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Apparently, it’s a year ago when our car broke down in freezing weather – technically it didn’t break down, we ran out of petrol on our way to the petrol station after picking it up from the mechanic. So in freezing weather, my husband got out and pushed the car to the curb so that we didn’t cause traffic. I would just like to point out at this stage that it was only a few pushes away. And then he walked about half a mile away – yes it was wet and cold – and came back with petrol for us. And for this!!!! he gets the honour of an entire day of appreciation. For my kids, this was phenomenal to them. Super daddy to the rescue. After the event, he got handmade cards from them telling him how powerful and brave he had been. Not only that, they went round school telling friends and parents how amazing their dad had been. I had a friend actually come up to me and tell me about this amazing accomplishment my husband had achieved. *meh*

As a Nigerian born and bred woman, you’ve got to understand; car pushing was quite a regular thing. I mean, most people I know have seen or pushed a car more than once in their lifetime. My children were acting like my husband just tackled a lion in the Namib desert or scaled mount Kilimanjaro.

DAILY!!! I tackle the school run and get them safely to school and what do I get? Scarcely a thank you. He pushes a car – and ooo-oo-ooo, give the dad a medal. What does a mother have to do to get some respect around here.

And so this day was so monumental in my children’s minds – so HUGE was the day- that they marked it on their calendar and THEN transferred it onto this year’s calendar. And so today, we commemorate, Daddy’s Day. Perfect. 😐

Happy Father’s Day

Divorce doesn’t necessarily mean your father isn’t there any more, but in my case it meant my father was absent from my life. My mother’s younger brother, my uncle Sola, voluntarily stepped into that vacuum with seamless ardour. I’m not sure if he ever had a discussion with my mum about it or if it was a conscious thing for him. He was, and still is, a deeply compassionate man and I guess that’s what motivated him.

Until we were much older and ‘settled’, every Sunday, he would stop by the house after church to spend time with us. He wasn’t a man of great means but whatever he had, he shared with us. He was there for every birthday; usually the first guest to arrive whether we had a party or not. When we did poorly in our exams, my mum would report us to him and he would calmly reprove us. He never lost his temper with us, he is such a gentle soul. I remember soon after the divorce, I told my cousin, his daughter, that I wished he was my father. Children have the weirdest way with words, she said something to the effect of she wished he could be too. Even at ten years old, she also knew she had a great dad. If I’m honest, I envied her.

His greatest sacrifice was sharing his time with his own family with us. Sometimes he would just pick us up, maybe to give my mum a break and we would spend the whole day with our cousins. Most times it was mayhem because we were all about the same age; restless children whose sole mission was to frustrate their parents. ;). My fondest memories are of our trips to Apapa amusement park (in Lagos). My uncle had three kids and one saloon car which was sufficient for a family of five but not for one of eight. That didn’t stop him packing us in his car like sardines for our trips to the amusement park. Those were the fun pre-health-and-safety days. He was also a Grammy award show fanatic and after every trip we would end up watching every video imaginable plus listen to him disapprove of any ‘wild’ performance he didn’t want us to emulate. Specifically -Madonna’s. 🙂

He was proud of every graduation and success we had. He sat by my mother at all our weddings; always her rock. He has celebrated every childbirth with her too like a doting grandfather. I am eternally grateful to my aunt and my cousins for sharing their husband and father respectively with us.

Thank you uncle Sola for being a wonderful father when we needed one the most.

Redefining Wonder Woman Series 4: Obsessed With Scuttle Flies

I’m always intrigued by people who have discovered their passion. However, of all the passions I have witnessed or heard about; the subject of this interview has got to be the most fascinating. I interviewed Dr Henry Disney about his passion for scuttle flies. Never heard of them before? Neither had I until I met him. Dr Henry Disney graduated from Cambridge University as an ecologist in 1962. Fifty years later, he works as a Senior Research Associate at Cambridge University Museum of Zoology. I hope you find his interview as inspiring as I did.

RWW: Could you describe in a few words what you do for a living?
DHD: In my ‘retirement’ I continue my research on the scuttle flies (Diptera, Phoridae) of the world. This family of insects has a greater diversity of larval habits than any other family that has evolved. I essentially identify, or often describe as new, specimens from around the world that I am requested to name; because they have new data or they are of applied importance (as a pest, in a forensic case, as a biological control agent, as a monitor of pollution, etc.)

RWW: How did you go from entomologist to ecologist to taxonomist? Phew!
DHD: In the 1960s I was a medical entomologist in Belize and then Cameroon. Every problem ended up in a taxonomic problem. In the 1970s I was intrigued by the larvae of meniscus midges and ended up writing a Handbook on the larvae, pupae and adults of the British species. I then got interested in the diverse habits of scuttle fly larvae and ended up writing a two volume Handbook on the British species. People from around the world then started asking me to identify their scuttle flies. So I had to write many identification keys and revisions in order to do this.

RWW: What Were your interests as a child?
DHD: I was always interested in natural history and archaeology from an early age.

RWW: I understand your expertise helped solved a crime.
DHD: As some larvae of scuttle flies feed on corpses they are occasionally critical in solving a crime. The commonest question is when was the first egg laid that gave rise to the larvae in the corpse? Thus in a case last year I worked out that this was a few days BEFORE when the accused said he had been talking to the victim!
Other larvae may occur in food. Thus in a French case a company blamed a French supply company, who said they had imported the package from Japan. I found that the species was a Japanese species.

RWW: What has it taken to become an expert
DHD: Obsession! Close attention to detail. Hard work. Being prepared to question the textbooks. My career has had a series of unexpected changes, but I have continued my obsession with small flies throughout.

A scuttle fly laying its egg into a prepupa of a ladybird beetle. Its larva develops as a parasite in the pupa.

RWW: Writing is your other passion and you’re also a poet. What do you love writing about the most?
DHD: My poems are meditations on events in my life, on people, on issues of the day,etc. – but all with reference to Gospel values and insights.

RWW: Writing and Entomology are two diverse passions. Do they collide or complement one another?
DHD: They complement each other. Scientific writing aims to be objective. In poetry, one is trying to explore the subjective along with the surface narrative.

RWW: You also explore your faith and science. Can you tell me a bit about that?
DHD: The blurb on the back of my third collection of poems said that I regarded “observed facts and authenticated experience as sacred but all interpretation as provisional”. Where I deviate from Richard Dawkins is in disagreeing with his claim that there is no evidence for the existence of God. I have encountered too many people whose lives have been transformed following their turning to Christ. I interpret this as evidence of the Holy Spirit at work. When asked what is God like I respond that we will be able to answer that question in the afterlife. For now He is the being Jesus referred to as Our Father and My Father. In this life our concern is to allow the Holy Spirit to align our actions and relationships with the values and purposes of His Kingdom. That is all we really need to know this side of death.

RWW: What are your cherished moments of being a father and grandfather?
DHD: My three children and four grandchildren are a great blessing. They are all different and it has been wonderful seeing their differing personalities develop.

RWW: What are your regrets about fatherhood?
DHD: Work leading to me not spending more time with my children, especially when I had extensive admin and teaching commitments when in Yorkshire.

RWW: Do you have any advice for fathers today?
DHD: Spend more time with your children before, too soon, they leave home. Some of those ‘important’ distractions can be postponed or ignored!

My sincere thanks go to Dr Disney for taking the time to answer my questions. You can read more about Dr Disney’s work here.

*Felix Bennet

PS There’s a lot I could write about after this interview but I’m going to be brave enough to let the words speak for themselves. Note to parents – please encourage whatever passions your children have.