There is no S**TA

This Christmas, I would advise you to keep your children well away from mine because they know there is such thing as Santa.

Two years ago, we made the decision to tell them the truth. Yeah yeah yeah, we are mean old parents but:

  1. We were tired of this big bearded man that comes down the chimney once a year taking all the credit for the gifts that our hard earned money provided.
  2. We were tired of keeping up the charade and essentially the lies that went along with it as they got older. It got to the point where  I would have to say that the friend who told them there was a Santa was a liar.
  3. The gift list was getting ridiculously wilder and longer. It needed to be halted. I’m just not cut out to be one of those parents that gives their kids everything they want.
  4. We are mean like that. Hehehehehehe.

Now this year we could ask what do you want and get a list and since they know it’s their parents providing them, there is the understanding that not every wish would be granted.

I wonder if it’ll stop them wishing for those dreamy, magical presents that only Santa can provide?  Who knows. I’d like to think that Santa is not responsible for creativity and high expectations in children.

Anyway, you’ve been warned, keep your kids away or else.

Overcoming School Run Trauma

Have I mentioned previously that I hate, with a capital H, the school run? Well I do! I really HATE the pressure it puts on me to get to the school gate at a certain time. The pressure to get to school on time so I’m not late for work. I hate that it turns me into the Wicked Witch of the West as I try to get my children to be compliant first thing in the morning.

As the new school year is upon us, I thought it would be good for me to revisit some of tips that have helped me alleviate the school run trauma.

  1. Iron and lay Out everything the night before – laptop, snacks, clothes, shoes and even underwear. The number of times that I have regretted leaving it till the morning is unforgivable. It’s a favour to myself and my kids to ensure we are prepared the night before.
  2. Wake up and have my shower before my children. If I am ready before them, I feel better prepared to handle their impending slowness in the morning.
  3. Eat breakfast. It puts my brain in gear and gives me fuel for the day.
  4. As they are old enough, let them make their own breakfast. If yours don’t know how to, teach them to make something simple!
  5. Give the children breakfast that can be eaten in the car or on the bus. ūüôā Anything that can be easily packed and taken along with us if we happen to be running late.
  6. As soon as they are home from school, give them a light snack and then do homework first before anything else.
  7. On evenings that they have after school activities, make sure dinner is prepped beforehand and simple.
  8. Don’t forget to check their school bags for notes and homework.
  9. Eat dinner early.
  10. Get them to bed early (not a guarantee that they’ll sleep) and remember to wake them up at the same time everyday so their body clock gets used to the routine.
  11. If you have young kids that share a room, remember to split them up at bedtime otherwise they’ll stay up talking till 11pm.
  12. Go to bed early. No late nights. Makes me cranky in the morning.

      Children Will Never Cease to Amaze Me

      To my shock and horror, this morning as we were about to leave for school, I found out that my son had left his entire school bag at school. I was flummoxed, confused, bewildered, speechless and livid.

      I just couldn’t understand why he would take out his homework and jumper and leave the bag in school. There has to be a logical reason. My brain just can’t process this.

      Several times I asked, are you ready for school? “Yes mummy”. Have you packed your things?¬†“Yes mummy”. ¬†At no point did it occur to him to mention that “oh, I left my bag at school”.

      I just will never ever understand. I’ve long accepted that children are wired to stretch you to your limit and then re-stretch you all over again the next day and the next and the next and the next.

      Naturally, we ended up being late for school because I just couldn’t get over the fact that the bag was not at home so I went looking round obvious places. It really was left at school! Shocking!

      Having dropped them off and  calmed down, I realised that in the process our morning drama that I, the mother, the self-righteous one who always gets it right, who never forgets anything, who is perfect in all her ways; left my bag at home.

      The Hatton Garden 7 Should Have Watched Oceans 11

      OK so nine have been arrested now but nine doesn’t rhyme with eleven. LOL.

      There is just no excuse for a poorly executed heist when George Clooney, Brad Pitt et al went through the effort of Oceans 11, Oceans 12 AND Oceans 13. I mean what were these guys thinking? Didn’t they do their research?

      Hollywood has gone to great lengths to teach us how to steal. We had the Sting with Paul Newman and Robert Redford; Bonnie and Clyde: Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway;  Inside Man – Denzel Washington; Entrapment – Sean Connery; Thomas Crown Affair – Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo and so many more.

      Every age had a film. These men are aged 43 to 76. They would have had a movie or two in their time to help them along. If they decided that their God given brains were purposed for theft, then the least they could have done was to steal properly and with excellence. As for the 76 year old, all I can say is wisdom doesn’t come with age.

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      Shame on them for being caught and with the goods still on them for that matter. Clearly they didn’t take a leaf out of Danny Ocean’s book. Incredulous! They should be shunned by all other true heisters. Shame!

      Tiger Dads

      There should be a rule that only the football coach is allowed to instruct kids during a football class or match or whatever you call it.

      I’m amazed at how people pay someone to train their child and then they are shouting out instructions to their child whilst the instructor is belting out his as well.

      Imagine seventeen kids on a pitch doing their own shouting; the coach doing his own shouting and then two or three random dads screaming their instructions as well. 

      Football is not my idea of fun anyway but this makes me want to become a coach just for the pleasure of fouling all tiger dads.


      WordPress Issues

      Apologies for all the empty posts you’ve been getting. I’m having issues with my WordPress apps.

      Do any other WordPress user find that when they schedule their posts on an iPhone or iPad, it gets published immediately? Please let me know if you have a solution.

      Very annoying WordPress!

      So Beyonc√©’s Face Isn’t Flawless – Big Deal

      Last night I saw the leaked pictures of Beyonc√©’s untouched face and my first reaction is why would anyone do that? What are they trying to prove?

      I’m not a fan of Beyonc√© at all but no one can deny that she’s pretty and even the most beautiful person can look awkward in the wrong light and pose.

      The facts are here is a woman who’s been the poster child for hair products whilst donning hair extensions so hey forgive me if I’m not surprised that the makeup adverts are touched up. She’s not the first and won’t be the last. It’s the way the industry works.

      Nonetheless, what did it prove? That she has spots? An uneven tone? That she’s a normal human being? That she looks like all the women I see daily? Puurleeze people need to get a life and leave her be.

      Of course there is the chicken and the egg situation where you wonder who is to blame – the fashion and beauty industry that perpetuates the perfect image or the model or celebrity that’s party to that or the consumers that’s crave perfection.

      Leaving impressionable young girls aside, we now all know that airbrushing exists and no company is going to sell a product if the model looks ‘normal’. Or maybe then they’ll have to do some more work promoting the virtues of their products.

      So I say big deal! It’s good that young girls know that there is no such thing as the perfect face or body. And any true fan of hers should be pleased she’s human and not some bronze goddess.

      If I were her, I wouldn’t respond unless of course she feels her ‘perfect’ image has been tarnished and all her hard work has nothing to do with her success. Then yeah, sue away.

      Enough of the 2015 Drivel – Less Talk, More Action

      Someone tweeted this the other day and I had to laugh because I¬†totally understood where she was coming from. As the end of one year draws nigh and the dawn of the new year rises, there is an inordinate amount of ‘motivational’ spiel all over cyberspace.

      During the first couple of months of the year, I tend to avoid social media because undoubtedly, every friend, follower and his aunty will be posting motivational quotes,quips, sentences, memes Рwhatever you want to call them. And If I am honest, even humble-improve-yourself-me finds it a bit annoying.

      Don’t get me wrong. I usually love such quotes and I believe 100% in personal development but at this time of the year you just want to yell SHUT UP and do something instead of talking about it or in this case, writing about it.

      Lest we epitomise that old adage, ’empty vessels make the most noise’, lets make some clear and realistic choices and steadily get on with it.¬†No one ever achieved anything by talking, wishing or dreaming – you knuckle down and get it done. (is that a quote???? ūüôā I might just get away with that one)

      And so like the true, and smug, worshippers in the temple of the gym, we await the demise of fledgling resolutionaires and look forward to getting on with it in 2015.

      I’m also looking forward to seeing what those in my life achieve this year and hope to feature some in the Redefining Wonder Woman series for 2015. ¬†Can’t wait!

      It’s¬†‚ÄčDaddy’s Day

      My son announced that it’s Daddy’s¬†Day this morning with the same sort of flourish that one would appropriate when waking up on one’s birthday or on Christmas Day. So I¬†asked, “what is Daddy’s Day?” Big mistake. I should have kept my mouth shut.

      Apparently, it’s a year ago when our car broke down in freezing weather – technically it didn’t break down, we ran out of petrol on our way to the petrol station after picking it up from the mechanic. So in freezing weather, my husband got out and pushed the car to the curb so that we didn’t cause traffic. I would just like to point out at this stage that it was only a few pushes away. And then he walked about¬†half¬†a mile away¬†– yes it was wet and cold¬†– and came back with petrol for us. And for this!!!! he gets the honour of an entire day of appreciation. For my kids, this was phenomenal to them. Super daddy to the rescue. After the event, he got handmade cards from them telling him how powerful and brave he had been.¬†Not only that, they went round school telling friends and parents how amazing their dad had been. I had a friend actually come up to me and tell me about this amazing accomplishment my husband had achieved. *meh*

      As a Nigerian born and bred woman, you’ve got to understand; car pushing was quite a regular thing. I mean, most people I¬†know have seen or pushed a car more than once in their lifetime. My children were acting like my husband just tackled a lion in the Namib desert or scaled mount Kilimanjaro.

      DAILY!!! I tackle the school run and get them safely to school and what do I get? Scarcely a thank you. He pushes a car Рand ooo-oo-ooo, give the dad a medal. What does a mother have to do to get some respect around here.

      And so this day was so monumental in my children’s¬†minds – so HUGE was the day- that they marked it on their calendar and THEN¬†transferred it onto this year’s calendar. And so today, we commemorate, Daddy’s Day. Perfect. ūüėź