I can already tell that my soon to be ten-year-old son is trying to understand women. He has joined the long line of men who will never find the answer. Hahahahaha. Yet he keeps asking questions.
For instance, when I told him I would be attending a catwalk show a few months ago, he asks, “What’s the point in that? Women dressing up and walking up and down”, and then proceeds to mimic a model strutting down the catwalk a.k.a Zoolander. He ends with hand on hip, asks “what’s the point in that?”, rhetorically I guess.
A feeling of dread is coming over me and I thought I should try and weigh in with a point or two. Not that I’m a proponent of fashion but I didn’t want him to denigrate what a lot of people have made successful careers out of. Who am I kidding? I didn’t want him to think I was shallow. Hahahahaha. So in a very Meryl Streep-esque speech in The Devil Wears Prada, I proceed to lecture him on how fashion provides jobs for buyers, magazines, photographers, designers, etc. Lost on him! Totally lost on him. *smh*
Then this morning, as I’m putting on my lipstick he asks why I use lipstick. Now I’m nervous – this must surely be a trap. Before I had a chance to respond he asks, “Do you think it makes you look more attractive?” If there ever was a moment that I was stomped, this was one. If I said yes, I think it makes me look more attractive, will he think women need make-up to be attractive? And if I say no, then we have another what’s the point conversation. I decided to go with I like the colour and how it looks on me. So I ask him, do you think it makes me look attractive, he says yes.*blank space*
What do I make of all this? Well number one, never ask a nine-year-old boy does my bum look big in this? And number two, don’t bother explaining all of the above to him, because of course he’s a Martian and there’s nothing I, as a Venusian, can do to help him with that.