WARNING: Please note that this post is an account of an individual’s rape and might cause some distress.
A while ago a friend of mine told me how she was raped as a teenager. I must admit that at the time, I didn’t quite take it in until I read this post. I knew I wanted to share her story but when she sent me the first draft it took me about a month to read it. When I finally read it I was angry and upset. I was very angry and referred to her rapist as a word I would prefer not to repeat. I still cannot get over how she was able to overcome this and can still be friends with him. I told her that I always knew she was a nutter but this was a new level of madness. Her response was “even as a Christian, you don’t understand?” I was honest and said no I didn’t. This was a tough post for me but I learnt a lot.
She had a lot to share so for the first time I’m going to have a two-part post. This is not quite the usual inspiring story I tend share. It’s about pain, loss, hopelessness but ultimately about human triumph.
RWW: I’m going to let her tell her story and then my next post will be her response to my questions.
I was seventeen years old and had been in a relationship with him for about six months… as is the case with young love it was a very intense relationship. ….we talked for at least two hours a day for every day of those six months. We didn’t see each other too much..maybe twice a month.
It was one of the days we were together. His dad was in town and he wanted me to meet him. We went for dinner and then we went to his dad’s hotel. We went up to his room but he was out so we waited. It’s funny in retrospect it is glaringly obvious but as a naive teenager in love, I didn’t see it coming. There was no dad….we were in a room alone. I trusted him so I didn’t think anything of it. He was a little bit older and he drank. I didn’t like it but it had never really affected me. He had been drinking on this night and before I knew it, what was an intimate kiss became a struggle. He was strong and he was aroused. I tried to fight him off and beg him, to appeal to the kind man I knew. I screamed. I cried. I screamed….. it was pointless….no one could hear.
I quickly realised I was fighting a losing battle; God was my only hope now. I prayed, begging God to get me out of this situation. “I’m a virgin”, I pleaded in the hope that this would stop him. He knew this anyway but I was clutching at straws. “Ah you are pure”, he half slurred; “you will like it don’t worry”. As I wept silently from the pain; both physical and emotional, I knew my dream of being a virgin on my wedding day was lost….without getting graphic. Suffice it to say that with no acknowledgement of me or my desires he had his way with me. It was a surreal experience, like I was out of my body watching myself.
He groaned, satisfied.
“Look you bled, so you were a Virgin – amazing! Lucky me” he smirked. “Why are you crying? Did you want to be a virgin forever? We should do it again.”
I was broken. In half an hour at the most I had lost my dream; I had prayed and God had not answered….maybe this was part of His plan, maybe he didn’t value my virginity like I did. My head was in a mess….what was the point? I’d lost my virginity…I might as well be sexually active …what was I saving now?
He sat across the room eating “aren’t you hungry? That made me hungry, I’m starving” he continued. “Stop crying! it’s not a big deal. Girls lose their virginity everyday, you are not meant to keep it you know”. He laughed “oh I forgot, you wanted to save it for your husband….maybe we should get married” he scoffed. I had never seen him so mean. I felt alone, stupid, hurt and very disappointed. Disappointed in him, disappointed in myself, disappointed in God. I couldn’t tell anyone. What would they say? I should have known better. I had willingly gone into a room with him alone, I had willingly kissed him..he was my boyfriend.
I decided not to tell anyone. I would carry on as usual and pretend it didn’t happen. And so I did. I put it down to the drink, I held on to what we had before and I remained in a relationship with him, and although we still didn’t see each other very often it was now a sexual relationship….and I struggled with that because I knew somewhere deep down that this was not the sort of relationship I wanted.
… to be continued
If you have been affected by any of content in the post and would like to talk to someone about it, please contact 0808 802 9999 www.rapecrisis.org to find centres in the UK.
Contact Stand To End Rape (STER) +2348095967000 www.standtoendrape.org for help in Nigeria.
Happy to include other centres if you let me know by making a comment. Thank you.